


Beloved Bewilderment

by OhBelieveYouMe



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Step Daddy Barba
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-06 04:17:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12203721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhBelieveYouMe/pseuds/OhBelieveYouMe
Summary: ADA Rafael Barba has been seeing Genevieve, a recent-divorcee who is as (if not more) illusive and busy than he is. After realizing the ‘why’ wasn’t only because of her work, but also due to having a five year old daughter (sweet Carina) he had been unaware of; he realized precisely how willing he was to ‘try’ and make it work… and is learning how much work that could take.





	1. Discovery

She could have just advised if she wasn’t interested anymore.   
Then, at least, he wouldn’t be here worrying like he was.

Of course, Rafael contemplated, they hadn’t really been seeing each other too terribly long. Two months tops, honestly; and considering both of their insanely packed schedules- with him busy in the court room and her busy… elsewhere, he wasn’t quite certain where she disappeared to so often… they really only found the opportunity to get together maybe twice a week.

But, despite the minimal face to face: they typically still stayed in contact. He could text her, she’d respond eventually. She’d message him, and he’d reply as soon as he could. Or one of them would call, they’d have a sweet conversation, and make plans. She’d say how she looked forward to seeing him, he’d be thankful she couldn’t see him blush…

In fact, he had switched the little notification sound that came from his cell when it was her calling or sending a message. The difference was subtle, more of a ’ _ZING_ ’ than a ’ _DING_ ’, most people probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

Rafael could, though, of course.   
The ’ _DING_ ’ meant someone wanted something from him.   
The ’ _ZING_ ’ meant;  _Genevieve_.

Yet, unfortunately, it’s been about a week and a half of ’ _DING_ ’s… and no ’ _ZING_ ’s… Despite his many rings and ’ _ZING_ ’s sent her way.

She could have told him she wasn’t interested, or at least that she was alright. It felt cheap, to have grown so attached over such little time and so few times seeing her face- just to have it all disappear so suddenly.

But, if there was one thing Rafael wasn’t, it was a quitter.  
And so, after getting out of the office late one evening, he decided to take that extra turn, and to go towards the apartment he’d picked her up from a few times before- yet had never been welcomed into.

This wouldn’t be weird, right? To check in?  
He hoped not… because he definitely was about to do just that.

* * *

Rafael knocked, held his breath, fixed his hair, straightened his suit jacket.

Within moments, lovely Genevieve opened the door, a kind smile turning up the edges of her pink lips…

But, at the sight of him, her jaw fell, “Rafael,” and she frantically went to closing the door best she could so just her face poked out of the gap. “What are you doing here?”

Honestly; he should be asking himself that, especially after such a not-so-overjoyed greeting. Why was he here? Why did he think he had a right, to show up at her doorstep, to knock like a police officer and demand answers… this was a bad decision. Still, curiously, he rocked to tip toes to try and peek around her.

“I hadn’t… I hadn’t heard from you in like a week,” he was practically whispering now, trying to match the hushed tones she shot his way. Why did they have to be so quiet? “And you weren’t responding to my texts or answering calls, I wanted to make sure you-”

Crippling realization crashed over him; her desperate stare, unwillingness to let him in, how her face was pale and flushed. Oh, how had he missed this? “Oh, God,” Rafael groaned, covered his face with his own hands, winced at the sensation of his clammy palms against his reddened cheeks. “Oh God I should have known-”

Noting how she hadn’t really been given an answer or the source of his apparent epiphany, Genevieve slipped out of the door so she could shut it quietly behind her. “Rafael, I’m sorry, things just got crazy- I’ve lost track of time, of everything really-”

“You’re back with him,” it came out quick, too quick, but why waste time getting to the point?

Her bewildered look surprised him, though: “What?”

“You’re back with him, your husband, oh God-” Laughter, nervous little chuckles, Rafael couldn’t hold them back. “Genny, you could have told me, I wouldn’t have even bothered you.”

She held out her palms in surrender, wagged her head side to side. Something about the way she held herself, spoke to him: she was either about to burst into tears or fall asleep where she stood, he couldn’t tell. “No, Rafi, listen;”

“I’m so sorry,” his apologies kept coming, falling from his lips before hers even stopped moving. Was he why she wasn’t so bright and bubbly as she normally was, had he… interrupted? Intervened? Annoyed her? “I’m  _so_  sorry, Genny, all I want is you to be happy,” unfortunately, she didn’t appear to be enjoying anything about his visit, “and now I’m bothering you-”

“Rafael, please,” kindly, she lay hands on his shoulders, gripped him so she could give him a solid shake, or to keep herself standing. She’s hugged him before, kissed him, coddled next to him in a taxi cab he bundled her up into- but this was the first time her touches were so serious. This was a demand. “You came all this way, will you at least listen to me now?”

Those eyes, the ones he had seen behind his lids whenever he closed his- how could he refuse to relax under her touch, within the heat of her stare? “Genny, I shouldn’t have come, I’m so sorry-”

Delicately, from his suit to his cheeks, she cupped up his face in her palms. “I’m not back with him, I just… I haven’t been completely honest with you-”

Curiosity got the best of him, and he curled fingers around her wrists, to keep her there. “What is it,” He searched her eyes, hoped to find the source of her secret, or at least context- “what’s wrong?”

Before she could speak up, and the opportunity itself came from her dramatic hesitation, a knock came from the  _inside_  of the door.

As far as Rafael knew, Genevieve had been left the apartment in the divorce. The divorce caused by her husband’s infidelity, he had been more than willing to leave the dwelling so he could take up home in his mistress’s studio. All those details, he had been made well aware of; as well as how Genny couldn’t sleep without a fan, liked to listen to old movies on quite nights, preferred sunny days to rain clouds…

Yet, what he didn’t know, was the catalyst of that knocking.

“Who’s that?” He asked in barely a whisper, while still near enough to feel sweet Genevieve’s breathing on his lips.

Her face skewed, he worried she’d start crying, but instead she let out an exasperated sigh and rest her forehead against his. “Rafael, I need to tell you something-”

Again,  _the knocks_. Unwilling to let her hesitate any longer, and ready to tear the band-aid off this situation, Rafael rocked his head out of her hands. Carefully, he slid past her, until he could grip that little knob and give a push.

Opportunity was knocking, and he intended to answer it.  
Even if it broke his heart in the long run. He was ready.

At first, he saw nothing, there wasn’t another man staring him in the face like he had expected. His brow bounced, and he almost shut the door again, but a tiny cough caught his attention just in time.

Slowly, his gaze fell, onto a small child dragging a polka-dot blanket behind her. Long blonde curls, matching Genevieve’s golden strands, and a paled face with chubby, red cheeks. Apparently, they were both equally shocked to see each other; Rafael stumbled over his own shoes as he tried to regain his stiff spine, the surprised little girl cocked her head to the side and searched Genevieve’s stare for clarification.

“Sweetheart,” Genny’s voice made him jump, she’d never called him that before, and wasn’t using it towards him this time either. In the most loving fashion, she bent at the knees, made no qualms about brushing those curls from tired toddler eyes and tucking them behind the girl’s ear. “Mommy’s talking to a friend, I’ll be in in just a moment- why don’t you lay on the couch?” she hugged the girl to her chest, but snagged a hold of Rafael’s nearby wrist to take a look at his watch; “It’s almost time for more medicine, then back to bed.”

All Rafael really heard;  ** _Mommy._**

Obediently, the exhausted child only nodded, but gave the unfamiliar ADA a good look-over. He’d never felt so ‘judged’ in his life, but he did give her a so-subtle smirk, to try and make an at least decent impression. Genevieve peppered her hot little face with kisses, lingering a bit on her forehead- Rafael assumed it was to gauge a fever, much like his own mother used to do.

**_Mother._ **

Genevieve was a  ** _mother_**.  
Likely, one of the most important defining factors to any woman, and she had chosen to keep that from him- of all things.

The small girl sauntered away, presumably to go find that sofa she had been told to lay on. Once out of sight around the corner, Genevieve shut the door again, but stay crouched on the floor near his shoes.

There were so very many new questions; why? Why didn’t she just tell him she had a daughter, were there any more, was her ex the father, what was there to hide? Maybe he didn’t have any kids, but he didn’t particularly dislike children at all, did he give off that vibe? Were they not nearly as serious as he thought, as he hoped…

But, while tumbling through the internal interrogation, Rafael finally took a long moment to regard the lovely woman he had been so afraid of losing. There were dark circles under her eyes, she had been sighing and accepting him as a resting post ever since coming out of the apartment to greet him- she was completely and utterly worn out, still hadn’t found the energy to face him again. Hell, she couldn’t even get herself up off the floor.

So, since she couldn’t… he would. He’d be her backbone anytime.

“Genny,” quickly, finally settling with the gravity of the situation, Rafael reached for her. Delicately, he slid his arms under hers and used his own strength to lift her back to standing. She allowed the shift without protest, but hid her face ( _and her shame_ ) in her hands. So, instead of demanding an explanation, he fought past the desire that had gotten him into his position of power within the court rooms, the desire that had brought him unexpected to her doorstep: the desire for answers-

Because, well, this time- all he wanted, more than to know the truth, was to make things a little better for the lady who he had been pining for this quiet week. “Genny,” he curled arms around her, let her use him to recline just a bit, her back against his chest. “Genevieve, what’s her name?”

Sniffling, until she managed to choke back the tears that threatened to fall. “Carina, Carrie…” her head fell back, to rest against this shoulder, he took the opportunity to lean in and press his cheek against hers. They both stared at the door her sweet girl had disappeared behind. “Her name’s Carina; it means Beloved…”

Rafael smiled, of course there would be such an important meaning. While nodding, which bobbed Genevieve’s head as well, he posed his second carefully thought-out query: “And she’s ill?”

“For the last week,” able to gather up her composure, she twist, so she could face him instead of away. “It’s just a flu, but there’s nothing to do, and she can barely sleep;” within his embrace, she found the rare opportunity for the first time in the last week or so- to relax, unwind. Oh, she had missed him; his hands, reassuringly running paths up and down her spine- his scent, the leftover cologne and musky smell of manhood, she stole a whiff for herself by lying her cheek against his suit.

“So you’ve not gotten much rest either,” his assumption was correct, but he let her nod to confirm anyways. “And you’ve been alone taking care of her this whole time, why you’ve not called or texted-”

This time, the tears came, she couldn’t keep them hidden. “I didn’t know… how, or when, or if, or-” craning up so she could look at him, her melancholy gaze caught his. “I’ve never been a single mother, until he left,” Rafael combated her symbols of sadness with the pad of his thumb, wiping away at wet cheekbones, “You’re the first… it’s serious with you, Rafi, and… I didn’t know how to tell you…”

Of course, he could chastise her, tell her how this was  _not_  the type of bombshell dating couples let lay under the surface. He had even considered it, until the much more important fact became obvious.

Now, well; now was not the time.

Before answering her, he interrupted, by means of a belated kiss. It had been too long since he’d tasted her lips; and now, knowing that she at least wasn’t hoping to get rid of him, he wanted a reminder. This went on for a few moments, long enough for her breathing to calm, he felt her chest stop heaving and took it as a cue to take the floor.

“Whenever Carina’s feeling better, I’d love to meet her, but only when you’re ready;” maybe he didn’t know much about children, but introductions while sickly were never a good idea in his eyes. “You, you need to get any sleep you can,” he tucked her loose hair behind her ear, “I’ll stop calling and sending messages-” she went to protest, but to intervene, he kissed her again. And again, and again, until she didn’t attempt to argue any more. “Have you eaten?” Rafael cradled her head in his hand, tangled his fingers through her tresses. “There’s a Chinese place just around the corner- I can go get you something, drop it off on my way home…”

Dinner? And an offer to wait, for a better time, whenever that may be. “Y-you’re not mad?” How could anyone be okay with this, maybe he really was insane; what man would accept the idea of a secret child so well, so kindly? “And you don’t have to get dinner, I’m alright-”

“Genevieve, please, let me do this for you,” he leaned down, so their foreheads touched, spoke quietly and sincerely- “It’ll take me minutes, it’s no problem, and it’d mean the world to me to know you’ve eaten something.”

Again, her lips parted, likely to try again to assure him she’d be alright; but just as before, he interrupted, with a smartly timed kiss. Then another, and another. “Rafael, you’re too good to me,” she managed between his relentless pecks; he only smiled and curled arms around her waist, took the chance to nuzzle his face against hers.

The whole walk here, he thought he’d find out that he’d lost her.  
Now, though- he knew he hadn’t. And, he knew there was so much more to discover, more to her than he could have guessed. A daughter, motherhood; his lovely Genevieve, a story he thought he had almost read through, but no.

“I’ll be back,” he promised quietly, while unwinding himself from her tired frame. “Go give her the medicine you were talking about, I’ll knock quietly to drop off your dinner, hopefully I won’t wake her, you can just let me know how you’re both doing tomorro-”

As he went on with his so-carefully thought out new plan of action, it was her turn to steal a kiss, and then: “You’re the best man I’ve ever met, Rafael.”

He turned red, from his cheeks to the tips of his ears, and he knew he’d do absolutely anything to receive such an important compliment again. “I’ll be back, soon.”

* * *

After Genevieve shut the door behind her, he waited, knowingly- until she slipped the lock. Confident those  **two**  would be safe, he turned to head down the hall, to consider the new situation he had found himself in.

His Genevieve: A mother. He was dating a mother.   
A mother to a lovely little girl, one he knew absolutely nothing about.   
Carina. Beloved;  _Carina_.

He said it out loud, as Genevieve had pronounced it, while making his way to the Chinese place he had mention; “Carina.” It sounded beautiful, so he spoke it out loud again as he waited in line, this time in a fashion much more natural for his tongue, with a little roll to the ‘ _r_ ’; “Ca _r_ ina.” Still lovely, of course.

After placing and receiving the familiar order at the restaurant, Rafael almost left, but quickly twist back to the counter before the next patron could be helped. “Excuse me,” he sat the bag of food down again, unfurled the top of the curled paper. 

“Sorry, could I get extra fortune cookies?” Kids liked cookies, right? Even if they’re not feeling well? “Something sweet for a beloved little girl…”


	2. Date Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Indented, Italicized text are text messages.  
> Barba’s changed the tone: so all ‘Zing’s are always Genevieve.

Thankfully, Carina’s grand reveal appeared to be the hurdle Rafael hadn’t quite realized existed. As if the veil of separation had been pulled and abandoned; he suddenly had his Genevieve back.

Or, at least, their communication lines had opened up again.  
More than enough for him.

After the evening he dropped off her dinner and the abundance of cookies, he’d been blessed with more ‘ _Zings’_  than he had heard in the last few days.

> **_Zing; “Are you trying to give me a cavity with all these sweets?”_ **

> _~ “Those aren’t for you, so I’d appreciate you not busy yourself up with a dentist.”_

> _**Zing; “Rafael, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”** _

She had no reason to be sorry, really, he had decided that already; but before he could advise her of such- there was another message.

> _**Zing; “I realize springing a child on someone isn’t precisely the right way to go about earning trust.”** _

> _~ “You were doing what you thought was right. There’s no need for apologies.”_

> _**Zing; “You’re an oddly magnificent man, Rafael.”** _

He wasn’t quite so sure about that, but what he did know for a fact, was that he’d gladly be any sort of man she’d need. Hopefully, if he tried hard enough- she’d realize the same thing…

* * *

The next few days, over the course of another week, their tiny textual conversations were littered with a sort of q-and-a; all about Rafael’s new fascination and Genevieve’s favorite topic.

Monday came, they discussed the weather and how hopefully the sun would stay out strong…

> _~ “Genny, how old is she?”_

> _**Zing; “Carrie’s five, going on fifteen.”** _

Well, he’s heard how proud parents can talk about their precocious children, but that did seem a bit of a stretch…

> _~ “What makes you say that?”_

> _**Zing; “She absorbs everything like a sponge, is too smart for her own good. There are no secrets when she’s around”** _

> _~ “Her being ‘too smart’ isn’t surprising. Sounds like someone else I know.”_

> _**Zing; “Objection…”** _

* * *

Tuesday fell into place, surprisingly well- he told her about his grand court win and suggested drinks, or anything that would put them together; she said she’d try to find a sitter for Thursday night.

At least now he knew why it was so rare for her to have an evening free, and why she’d always refuse his impromptu invitations.

And that it  _wasn’t_  because of not wanting to see him.

> _~ “Is it only her? I know someone.”_

Is that odd coming from someone without children?

> _**Zing; “She’s my only child, yes. Who?”** _

Good to know, Rafael saved that one in his memory.

> _~ “She watches the Lieutenant’s son, sweet girl… What does Carina like to do, I could always ask if she’s free.”_

> _**Zing; “She’s five; anything with art, a park, or that awful Paw Patrol show would do just fine. She’s well behaved, just a bit chatty.”** _

> _~ “I’m sure Lucy wouldn’t mind…”_

* * *

Wednesday, Rafael made a point of stopping by Olivia’s office, which turned more into an interrogation than he had been laying on Genevieve lately. After an absolutely awful attempt at explaining ( _as briefly as possible_ ) that he  _was_  indeed trying to take a single mother out for drinks, he earned Lucy’s phone number and Olivia’s sympathy…

> _~ “Lucy said she wouldn’t mind watching Carina, if you’d still like to do drinks tomorrow.”_

> _**Zing; “How much does she charge?”** _

> _~ “I can take care of it, don’t worry.”_

> _**Zing; “Rafael, I can take care of my own child. How much?”** _

He flinched when he received that one, even dropped his pen at the perceived tone. It was something he hadn’t considered before, never had to: Pride in Parenthood. Covering the babysitting fee was the least of his worries, though- Rafael would do anything to concrete these silly plans for cocktails.

This certainly didn’t appear to be worth pushing, though… not now.

> _~ “I’ll discuss with her and get back to you.”_

> _**Zing; “Would you mind giving me her number? I can talk to her, no need to bother yourself any further than you already have.”** _

It wasn’t a bother. But, that didn’t seem to matter, either.

Instead, Rafael did send her Lucy’s phone number, and decided to drop the issue then and there. A few hours passed without a  _Zing_ , or a call- he worried he had created a rift in this little tide pool he was trying so carefully to navigate…

As such, he decided to implore…

> _~ “Genny, have I overstepped?”_

> _**Zing; “No, your efforts are greatly appreciated.”** _

Why did he feel like he was trying to make a deal with a Defense attorney?

> _**Zing; “She sounds lovely, I’ll be taking Carina to the Lieutenant’s apartment after work- if you’re still interested in celebrating.”** _

Rafael smiled, and raised a fist into the air to celebrate the minor victory. It had taken two days to make this work out just right- is this what it was like to have dependents? No wonder it had been so hard to find a place in her calendar.

Further- of course he was ‘still interested’, he couldn’t think of a better way to spend an evening than with her…

> _~ “I can meet you there? I know a great place just around the corner, I can keep you close by in case Carina ends up needing you before we’re through.”_

> _**Zing; “That sounds perfect, Rafi. I’ll see you around 7 tomorrow.”** _

* * *

When Rafael knocked on Olivia’s door, he wasn’t quite certain what he should be expecting… Would the little girl be there, clinging and crying to her mother- and he: the monster stealing her away for an evening? Or, rather, would she be enjoying herself- playing with Noah and Lucy, maybe she’d kiss Genevieve’s cheeks just as she had done hers when she was ill… Would she recognize him? Did she think he was fake, a part of her fever-haze; did children even really remember people that well?

Just in case, despite how he had certainly already gussied himself up in a mirror in the lobby- he found himself paranoid. A hand to his hair, to fix any strands that might have loosened on the walk up the staircase, a tug to his suit, a chance to straighten out the lapels. Was his collar fixed- the  _last_  thing he wanted to do was look like a bum or an old man, the poor child will think there’s been a mistake, or that he’s just a lame ‘adult’, or-

The door opened, Rafael held his breath and stood staring down by the door knob, ready to be faced with three and a half feet of judgement or despair… 

Of all things, though- he hadn’t anticipated Olivia to open the door and escort herself happily out into the hallway.

“She’s getting settled, Rafael,” the explanation was sincere, and made common sense considering he was a little bit early. He let out the air stored in his chest, and his friend laughed while raising hands to suggest he calm down. “You should probably wait out here, though… just until they say their goodbyes.”

“… Oh.” Rafael wilted slightly, rocked back on the heels of his shoes and nodded rapidly. “Right, of course…”

Reassuringly, Olivia grabbed onto his shoulder, gave a squeeze to bring his attention back up from his shoes. “Genevieve is lovely, by the way, so is Carina. They’re a real delight, and I can see why you think so highly of her,” He searched her face, and was happy to see a genuine smile. “You’re a lucky man, you just need to be patient… these things can be difficult.”

Patient. Hadn’t he been patient enough already? “Do you really just  _not_  go out since you have Noah?”

“I’m blessed, to have found Lucy-” She motioned behind her, but paused when there was laughter flooding out from the crack in the door. Both of them broke out into chuckling; Rafael wondered if the high pitch squeal had been Genny or the mysterious little Carina. “I can only fathom how hard it is, alone, but they’re both so strong- and funny; and Carrie, oh my-” 

She was about to launch into a story, Rafael could tell, and he was waiting with hands clasped for it to go on; but soon enough, the door opened behind her, and Genevieve came trotting out- backwards.

“Be so sweet, Darling, go to bed well; I love you, a million…” Her voice was high, whispy, and she pressed a kiss to the tips of her fingertips before wiggling to blow it away. After stumbling past Olivia, she finally turned around, and a pink blush hit her cheeks when she found Rafael waiting for her. “And Hello, to you.”

Suddenly, as quickly as his insecurities had appeared, they faded- and he was simply thrilled to finally see her standing before him, instead of her being just words on his phone screen. “Well Hello there;” He held out a hand, and after she took it, he brought her fingers to his lips for a kiss. “You have no idea how great it is to see you…”

Genny’s blush grew twice as hot, and Olivia laughed out loud at the display.

“You two have fun, don’t rush- we’ll be here all night and Carina is welcome to fall asleep in the guest room,” before disappearing through the door, she aimed a finger gun at Rafael, “and congratulations on the case- you earned it.”

He waved her off, then went to tugging his giggling date down the Hall. If he could earn the verdict, perhaps he could keep working and earn a little more, too…

* * *

“Did you not want me to come in?”

Genevieve stared down at her glass, plopped a cherry from her last drink between her teeth to buy a few moments of time. “Olivia asked if she should let you in, but I was giving Carina a  _be-good_  chat, they’re important.” The stem dropped to the bar top, she shrugged her shoulders to try and keep the conversation light. “I didn’t think it would take long, no reason to drag you in when our time going out is so limited.”

“I wouldn’t have minded,” He couldn’t place her hesitation, why she’d blockade him from such an important part of her life. “She’s as much of you as anything else, and I hope I’ve conveyed my interest in you…”

“You have, Rafael, it’s not doubt or anything like that;” After sighing, she plopped elbows atop the bar’s beveled edge, rest her chin in her hands. “It’s just…” Her eyes scanned the little room, every where other than him, an attempt to feign distraction- “difficult.”

He took a drink, for courage, or at least to help him find words: “I can’t imagine, but, is it something I’ve done…? Or something I’ve said?” A glance at her own glass, they were running low- he tapped at the bar top to urge for another round. “I don’t want you to think I’m… opposed, or anything, I just don’t understand why you’d keep her a secret for so long…”

Obviously frustrated, she splayed out her fingers, to hide her face behind them. “It’s hard to explain, it’s,” a sniffle interrupted her words- for the very first time ever, he could sense genuine sadness coming from her… was she about to cry? A cold chill slithered down his spine, and he eagerly looked up from their glasses to try and get a better look. “It’s not… not  _about_  you, Rafael, it’s about my girl and I… I just don’t know the right answer.”

A part of him, the part that he so rarely ever  _had_  to overcome, wanted to press- to argue for answers. However, he had to admit to himself at least in this moment- he didn’t understand. No: Rafael had no clue what raising a child was like, let alone doing so alone- and further, most of the instances of blended families that were brought to his immediate attention didn’t consist of pleasant outcomes.

Yet, considering how she was so struggling to keep up her happiness due to his pressure for answers, he realized that rushing the circumstance would likely not be beneficial; for him, or her. 

She had spent so much time and made efforts in order to join him that night for drinks, and he’d be damned if he didn’t make sure it was worth it.

Perhaps, like she’d mentioned, it really  _wasn’t_  about him…

And, all he really wanted, was to see her smile…

So, instead of trying to work past the boundary she’d presented, he tried a new route: the one he’d much rather take. He dropped a hand to her knee, used his hold to take advantage of the spinning bar stool and twist her his way. 

An attempt at the spell to break down her wall: “You look really beautiful tonight, Genny.” 

The surprise compliment convinced her fingers to spread, just enough for a gap large enough so she could peek at him. “Rafael, I’m sorry-”

“I’m not,” Delicately, he reached for her, took up her wrists so he could steal her hands from her face. “I’ve missed you, you know,” he hopelessly threaded their fingers together, placed the bundle of fists in his lap, “dearly, Genny. You’re all I think about lately.”

Finally, her smile, brilliant and resplendent as he’d remembered. “I’ve missed you too, Rafi.” Leaning in, she pressed her forehead to his, moved just close enough so their noses barely brushed; “And you happen to look quite dashing yourself.”

Their next round was delivered; and he decided then and there- to only bring up Carina if she did first, to enjoy Genevieve for Genevieve just as he was always delighted to do… at least, for that evening.

* * *

When they got back to the apartment, Lucy opened the door; and happily escorted them in. “Carina’s asleep,” she explained in a brief whisper, and pointed down the hall. “She was an angel, sincerely, and so helpful with Noah, she actually said she wanted a little brother one day…”

Genevieve’s nose crunched, and she muffled a laugh behind fingertips- that didn’t appear to be in the plans. “Well, then perhaps we’ll have to make more play dates,” at least the compromise came with a smirk.

Knowingly, Rafael led the way, right back to the referenced guest room. He opened the door for her, but did try to look over her shoulder, to sneak a peek at the mystery he’d been holding back from the last few hours…

There, lying atop the bed among multiple quilts and an overabundance of pillows- the illusive little princess, with a thumb in her mouth and a few little cotton-filled friends flanking her sides.

To be honest: she was absolutely precious. A little cherub, angelic and dreaming of wonders he could only guess at- the small simper tugging on her lips at least led him to believe there were good visions playing out behind her eyelids.

Delicately, he leaned in, so he could whisper directly into her proud mother’s ear- “She looks just like you.”

The smile that spread across her face was so very genuine, pure; Pride, in the most beautiful of forms. “Let’s hope she handles being woken up better than I do.” She went to lean over the girl, began the efforts to give her shoulder a subtle shake; “Perhaps she’s my baby, but she’s gotten quite heavy as the years come along, I don’t think I’ll make it down all those stairs with her on my hip so she better get up-”

“Wait, don’t, there’s no reason to rattle her awake-” Rafael curled fingers around her wrist, pulling her from the plan she was obviously trying to speed through. “I can carry her, we’ll get a cab to your place- I may not be Fabio but I think I can handle a five year old…”

Genevieve sighed, rocked her head side to side in deliberation. Finally, she actually threw her hands in the air, before reaching down and plucking the beautiful girl from the bed she had been lying on. Before he had time to question anything or appreciate getting his way, a barely-awoken and whimpering Carina was held up towards him; he actually jumped in his rush to bring her to his side.

Instinctively, once it processed she was being passed around, the little girl clung to him- legs wound tight around his waist, arms draped lazily over his shoulders. After the move was completed, Carina opened her sleepy eyes, squint suspiciously once confronted with his face. Rafael was frozen in her stare, offered a gentle smile, hoping to appease her curiosity or at least assuage any nerves that could be sprouted by being awoken and faced with a stranger…

“It’s fine, Carina,” Genevieve interrupted the confusion, ran a gentle hand up and down the small girl’s spine. “This is Mommy’s friend, he’s going to help me get you downstairs.”

Her little lips pursed, lost in dreamy deliberations. Rafael had to bite his to keep from chuckling as her stern, lovely eyes fell onto his face. “The cookie friend?” Her voice; sounded like Genny’s with an additional, sleepy squeak- it was absolutely adorable. “Mommy, the friend who left cookies, right-”

He had never before been so happy to be known as something other than his name. The Cookie Friend. Perfection.

“Yes, darling,” she rocked up, kissed her daughter’s forehead when she finally relaxed enough to lay atop Rafael’s shoulder. “He’s the cookie friend,” she was busy, gathering up a special blanket and a large teddy bear her daughter had been clinging to before being lifted away. “His name is Mr. Barba, Carina, it’s alright, I love you a million-”

_Mr. Barba_. He probably would have preferred nearly anything other than something so professional and formal, but instead of correcting the statement, Rafael only made efforts to hold the sweet girl more securely- an arm beneath her to keep her hoisted appropriately, one around her back so she wouldn’t have to worry about falling. “I’ve got you, Carina, don’t worry…”

Apparently, her comatose mental state was mollified, and she slouched trustingly against his chest. In a daze, she managed out a feeble mumble right near his ear: “Ok, Mr. Cookie-Friend Barba…”

Suddenly, he wished he could have  _that_  on his desk instead of his actual title. His nameplate, his business cards, the phone book:  _Mr. Cookie-Friend Barba_ , child tote-er and fumbling, hopeful-stepfather extraordinaire… 

Rafael couldn’t think of a time he had ever been more delicate with another human, or with anything really. Then again, he never had been entrusted with something so incredibly important, not that he could really recall.

Every opportunity to trip or stumble was overcome, from goodbyes with his colleagues, all which he whispered as if the faintest voice would be disastrous- to the winding steps leading out into the street; he didn’t even watch Genevieve as she led the way, was far too busy paying attention to his own feet so he could be certain he wouldn’t misstep with his precious package.

“Thank you, Rafi,” she held the door to the taxi open for him, motioned towards the inside to indicate he tumble in first. “I’m sorry to put you through so much work-”

For a moment, he froze, perked a brow at her insistence. “Genny, it’s not a trouble at all.” He scoot in, thoughtfully toting little Carina along the best he could without disturbing her. Once they were down and seated, his charge squirmed atop his lap until apparently comfortable, kept her face hidden in his throat to protect her eyes from the street lights filtering in through the windows. He kept a loose hold on her, even leaned back as far as he could to make sure she had all the room she could possibly need. After shutting the door, Genevieve slid alongside him, placed a kiss on the sleepy girl’s temple- and rest her hand atop Rafael’s thigh.

There was something strange about the moment; mystical, almost. Not deja-vu, it was too unfamiliar, he had no guidance from dreams or fantasies to pull from… Instead, it was an innate sense of the world finding peace, of feeling as if in this very moment: with the weight of precious Carina against him and her little heart beating just over his own, with the warmth of Genevieve at his side- her palm on his leg, her arm leaned against his as she watched the parade of condos pass by outside the window… this moment felt more universally ‘ _right_ ’ than any of the others he had experienced so far… even if it had come about due to circumstances he could have never predicted.

Satisfied he only needed one arm around Carina now that they were on their way to her apartment, Rafael covered Genevieve’s hand with his own, successfully pulling her from her traveling trance. Respecting the silence, and appreciating the peace her daughter had found- she smiled cheerily back at him, brighter than any he’d seen all evening; before leaning in for a subtle, surreptitious,  _sublime_  kiss.

This was lovely: Rafael decided, while silently wishing this sliver of time would never fade away. He could certainly be patient, if it could promise more moments just like this…


	3. Sleepy Introductions

When they got to the apartment, Rafael continued to gracefully keep precious Carina tight against him, even after tugging a blanket from the bag her mother was carrying to throw over her shoulders.

“You’re spoiling her,” Genevieve teased, but still helped by tucking corners of the blanket into his suit so it would stay put.

He really didn’t mind, though he certainly was starting to wish he’d done more cardio as of late. “It’s not a bother, she’s not heavy-”

She opened the door for them, followed behind while pointing knowingly up the stairs. “Hers is first door on the right,” whispering, so she rocked in to speak in his ear that wasn’t pressed to Carina’s head, placed hands on his sides to aim him the right direction. “It should be open, I can take her if you’d like.”

“Nonsense,” he had made it this far, after all, and honestly- Rafael would do about anything that would convince her to stay so close to him. “I’ve got her.”

Up those dark stairs, a turn into the prescribed bedroom: he smiled at the first look of the precious atmosphere. Pink walls, large purple-painted picture frames with obviously-original coloring pages pinned inside of them with tape, framed posters of horses along the tops, little equine figurines on shelves and all over her dresser.

“Horses?” He had rocked backwards, to ask Genevieve, but apparently the shift had awakened their sleeping beauty.

Dreamily, drowzily, Carina joined the conversation: “I  ** _love_**  horses.”

The declaration was so passionate- even though, most likely she wasn’t even fully awake; both adults had to hold their breaths to keep from laughing.

“There you have it,” Genevieve motioned towards the little bed, and worked to pull down the many blankets so he could lay her down. “She’s seen a couple before, during a vacation with her father, and just got hooked.”

“Does she ride?” He hadn’t noticed any helmets or other accessories, but also couldn’t really place where there would have been much opportunity considering their surroundings. “Does she enjoy it?”

Genevieve shook her head, after tucking the blankets up under Carina’s little chin and reaching for the teddy bear. “No, she’s never been, but one day…”

She leaned in to kiss her forehead, but was interrupted by two tiny hands reaching up to cup her face. “Mommy…” her voice, that tone- it was devastating. Rafael was briefly concerned, worried about whatever dire thing she’d have to say or announce… until that squeaking, sleepy voice was finally confident they held her mother’s full attention- “Can I have a drink’a water?”

Genevieve sighed, giggled, then jumped up to her feet. “Yes, one second,” mechanically, as if this was a familiar dance, she went for the door after spinning on her toes- until, it seemed, she remembered there was company. “I’ll be right back, Rafi,” She held up a finger… he had deja-vu to similar circumstances with his own mother, and had to bite his lip to keep from chuckling- “I’ll be back in just one minute-”

His eyes went wide, he buried his hands into his jacket pockets, and watched curiously as she bolted out the door.

And then Rafael Barba stood alone, in a pink bedroom, surrounded by horse paraphernalia, with a very sleepy little girl… this was one for the memory books.

“What’s your name,  _really_?” She finally addressed him, directly, and he actually flinched at first.

“Oh, uh,” it wasn’t often he had to do introductions with children, but the initial one they’d had was when she had just been woken from sleeping, he really did owe her a proper conversation… “Rafael Barba… Rafael.”

“Mommy called you Rafi.”

Well, yes, okay- maybe Genevieve had a point about how precocious her child was when she brought it up in those texts the other day. “She does that,” he took two steps closer to the bed, bent at the knees to get nearer to her level. “You can call me whatever you want to, though.”

Carina nodded thoughtfully, pursed her little lips in deliberation. “I like Rafi.”

Suddenly, he did too. More than he ever had before.

“Then, Rafi works perfectly.” A quick glance to the door, only to confirm Genevieve wasn’t back yet. Silence was always awkward, but especially now, when he’d been hoping to talk to her for so long. “So, uh; you like horses?”

Again, nodding, then she twist to reach for a brown figurine at her bedside. It was oddly realistic looking, Rafael cocked his head to the side as she lovingly held it up in her hands. “I  _love_  them,” very seriously, she positioned it, on beautiful display: “and this is my favorite.”

“I can see why,” He pointed at the little pony, smiled: “it’s lovely-”

“It’s furry,” she pet the toy’s tail in reverence, apparently quite proud: “and so pretty.”

Rafael smiled, “like you.”

He had expected her to giggle, or swoon, or at least find it complimentary. Instead, he was confronted with wide eyes and a tiny, slacked jaw: “I’m not furry!”

Oh damn, he cringed so hard he thought he’d fall over; “No,  _pretty_ ; you’re pretty too… Not… furry.”

“Bad time?” Genevieve strolled behind him, placed a hand on his back to steady herself while she leaned in to give Carina the cup of water. “Now you go to sleep, Carina, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Apparently, she’d forgiven him for his misstep: “Will Rafi be here?” Or, he considered, she wanted to be sure he’d be gone when she woke up…

Realizing the girl had claimed his nickname, she quirked her brow and gave Rafael an amused smirk. “No, sweetheart, he has to go home tonight… but I’m sure you’ll see him again soon.”

Carina took a long, dramatic sip of water that really should have only used a fraction of the ten seconds it did, then placed the cup alongside her  _favorite_  horse figurine. “Okay;” and with that, she rolled over, pulled her blankets up to her chin and successfully showed her dismissal via indifference.

Unphased, Genevieve rose to her feet, pulled on Rafael’s collar to convince him to join her. “C’mon, Rafiii,” a wink, and he was successfully obliged to join her on the stroll out of the precious pink room. 

“Your daughter thinks-” in an urgent, hushed whisper, he began to explain; but Genevieve paused his franticism with a fingertip left over his lips until she worked to shut the door. Once allowed, he wasted no time; “Your daughter things I called her  _furry_.”

As he should have expected, the brow over her right eye rose, nearly as dramatically as Carina’s drink of water before bed. “Well…” she began sauntering down the stairs, and he followed eagerly behind; “why did you call her  _furry_?”

This time, it was Rafael’s jaw that fell; “I didn’t!” Once they landed in the foyer, he rushed ahead of her, and went to grabbing for the door knob. “She said the horse was furry and pretty, and I said she was too-”

Behind her fingertips, Genevieve genuinely tried to hide her giggling, but unfortunately it wasn’t a very good mask.

“Okay, fine,” Rafael rolled his eyes, twist the knob and went to making his way out of her apartment; “Fine, your daughter hates me, I’ll just see myself out and maybe I’ll hear from you soo-”

His lament was cut short, when she grabbed hold onto the edge of the door with one hand and curled fingers around his tie with the other. A short pull, and he was brought back in, fumbling over his own feet, until her lips found his in a kiss.

“Can we chat about it over a cup of coffee?” Genevieve shut the entrance behind him, then went to politely straightening out his attire. “I think she’ll be able to forgive you, if she even remembers come morning-” A smile was shot his way, and he returned it without an ounce of uncertainty, “but I won’t forgive myself if send you all the way home without some sort of night cap…”

Rafael nodded, and took up her hand in his to press a kiss to her knuckles; “Chat & Coffee with you before a cab ride actually sounds  _lovely_ , Genny.”


End file.
